spoon fed

what i would give
for that high i need
a glimpse
a taste to last the night

watching those wretched movies
the patheticly adorable movies
watching all their love stories
i find it so damn hard to not think
seeing myself as one
and you their lover
standing on the brink

this feeling never comes when i want it
it's as flighty as any other bird
on the canopy's leafy summit
to catch it in my hands means holding you forever
never flinching to let go of you the slightest bit
hide you away in my tiny golden locket

dancing on the edge of a knife rusted
i'll hold on to you forever
as promised
any thought of loosing this star in my night
every good intention of mine being crushed
i'll keep you too close and shower you with my intentions
space is all you'll need

i need you near
everytime you leave i shrink in morbid fear
what if you don't want me in a tiny golden locket
one to keep 'round your neck
so i'm with you everywhere
saving you from every wreck

that craving
do you ever feel it?
that one demanding you to indulge it?
a drug you need just one more time
knock you up to your feet
brighten that smile just so much more
kill that pain in my heart you hold so dear and close
longing to see its birth-righted owner

you clawed under my skin
there i feel you multiplying
i need you here so bad
so it's not too weird that i'm panting

i want to sleep cuddled up close to you
to wake up with a smile
i need to feel you against my sheild for a while
fight for me to be close
just to find you had me all along

prove you crave me
stick me in a golden locket
bind me in place
keep me in a cage
let me so deep under your skin i can't get out
indulge that damn craving everytime you feel it start
it never lets up

it always wants just one more night.

_ _ _

tail between legs
ears down
feet plopping around
body trudging on
growing weaker and weaker
tired of following a long dead trail
if i were to say i belonged to someone
it'd be a lie
but don't tell anyone
they'll judge me before i get the chance to try
instead i'll be me in the end
this tired beast
drained past exhaustion
i keep looking
i keep searching
too damn much do i feel lost
forever wandering
scrounging up thoughts for pondering
tuffs of fur still missing
i know you offer me home
without you by my side i can't find home
i feel like wandering
hopefully it'll initate something
want a bed for sleeping
need somewhere comforting
maps can't help me
my eyes can't read the key
scent after scent
i search for your's
lost with your heart as my guide
you don't yell out the feeling inside
forever i feel lost
wandering on this road with my tail trying to hide.

? ? ?

my head spins
faster faster
merry-go round goes
how fast can it go?
when will it stop?
stop these tears streaming down out of woe
all happiness drained
color ceases to stay
dwindling power proceeds a slow fading
the sun kills it
presence of you makes me sick
i can't cry you out
you damn demented light
keep burning my eyes
heat strangling my throat
breathing is shallower and shallower
through each moment's pass pain grows
nothing subsides
only my sanity
realizing this is no longer a free ride

how i wish you killed me when you had the chance
finished me off when everyone had their victory dance
here i am stuck in a world
too different for me to be alone for too long
fetal posing insecure withered being
i thought i changed
only the scenery changed
and here i am
stuck where i began
just as lost as before
i chase you as you set each night
when you rise i spring from my leg-hugging position
bask in your light while i can
then as you set, it all begins again.

it's not my best, i've written so many better

before i compared my dull life
to being in a cage
i had it all wrong.


i was stuck in a reserve
for other animals like myself
first things first
she was taken by them
to another place was all i was told
torn from my side
abandonment
alone
no one else really mattered like her
suddenly i woke one morning
seeing another one staring me in the face
caught off guard
scared to wit's end
she jumps on me
out of nowhere
we wrestled
play fought
ended in much laughter

her fur was sleek and soft
her energy was up
i got lost in those eyes
so many times
couldn't find my way out
even when she'd return to her other
that's when i noticed i was really in some place new
a different reserve
life seen in a new hue

she came back so much
tugging at my ears
fell in love with her touch

stuck in a daze she put me in
loosing control of all impulses and life again
another one entered the picture
and her life rebegan

i felt lost and thrown aside
no one in that reserve liked me
an outcast amongst my own kind
even when she entered my life
i felt so lost
she tried to help me
i shrugged her off
i hurt that one too bad to be allowed to live
she walked away
leaving me behind
found herself someone she could confide in
of course she found the girl i feared most
the one who damned me to the darkest pit
to solely rot

at that time
the owners realized i was no good there
threw me into a cage they dared
locked the door and left me be
i paced and paced
after long enough i realized they only came by once a day
throwing me scraps of meat
some food to hold me over
that door never opened
it all got so monotonous
i'd try and try
but that lock would stick
so predictable
i longed for a touch
and bite
anything
i wanted someone who'd tackle me
who'd bite at my ears
nibble my neck
jump at me like a crazed animal
just to play

but here i'm stuck
in a cage
seldom are the visits
never any affection.

strain
pull the cart
rain falls on the dirt path that lay before the gloomy, sunken-in, dead eyes
blood veins pop out
muscules strain harder and harder
can't feel the sweat dragging down a powerful jaw
eyes becoming blood shot from salt in the sweat dripping
jumping
body exhausted beyond belief
push push
farther and farther
person no longer human
a savage beast broke out
pushed passed human compacity
out of city limits
pull the cart
drag them through hell
they remain safe in the cart
heaven on hell
strain

- - -

read between the lines
this way
that
through these lines
or those
vert
or otherwise

every which way
new stories
new suprise
until you find they're just the made-up lies
of those who die
leaving the ones who can't stop their cries
kill-joys to all passer-bys

the staggering fellows
whose fathers used to tell them the drunken lullabies
strong whiskey on their breath made the small child flutter his eyes
tears well up as the memory ceases to die
still the child inside keeps asking why

read between the lines
these lines written in sticky liquid hope
on bold crisp truth
with a fragile quil of tranquility

power hungry grab at the coattails of few
world ruled by the ones on top
starved peasants hold up the control-tripping beasts
broken and defeated
there lie the elderly
the children left no scraps
the others killed each other just to grab them
mayhem and distruction
chaos and perversion
minds reduced to mush
all sticky hope
feels like it's been washed off

hold the one love
one thought in mind to rule all function
misleading love to think the only desire is of lust and physical attraction
care and passion cloak themselves
their true intentions

soon it's just the blind leading the deaf
onward they walk to a tall cliff ledge
only getting half the story
the blind ramble on
explaining it all
while the deaf cannot hear
and think the blind want to harm the deaf
push them over the cliff
and laugh at their fall
when the blind wants the deaf
to describe the beauty it misses from the sky's resent painting
bold truth was ignored
tattered and torn by uncaring actions
not thought out
pittiful, careless, actions

explosions erupt
overflowing pots of over boiled water
dreadful sizzling never to cease
ears screaming for sounds to jump out of the peice
conflict arises
attacks all standing near
droplets of hot water jump
pain is physicalized for all to see
not only a heart in pain
from breaking
shattering
into tiny shards of glass to stab any who come near
any who try to comfort and close of the void
rained on with pain they cannot bear
cuts and bruises appear
peace diverted
avoided the traffic jam of emotions
left the immediate area at the sight of the hurricane
abandoning sticky liquid hope to be washed away
off the hands and out of hearts of many
bailing on bold crisp truth to become blown around
soaked in tears of the public to transform into a soggy mess

the instructions to preventing this
is short and simple
just read between the lines.