brainwashed

a tube stuck in my head
one down my throat
a thin one
stuck in my arm
an i.v. to keep the test subject alive.

eyes taped open
brace around my neck
holding me in place
stitch my arms and legs
keep me from leaving
from getting away

true it's no one else's fault
i should have ripped away
torn the skin from my arms
cut the skin from my legs
grabbed the tubes and pulled them away
fought to escape the hell you were going to put me in.


tradgic truth of this whole case
i was the one who sat in the chair
i was the one who followed your rules
i didn't stand up and argue the facts
i didn't fight back
repel those damn thoughts from my mind
i was too weak
afraid of pain
self induced, gut wretching pain

i let you change my mind
i let you form it
mold it in this way
i let you make me think it's bad to be me...

untitled for right now. i want to add more

strike of confidence
jitter bubble exploding with joy
can't help but smile
can't help but want to urge this change
push it
push it
she's been growing in that crisalid this whole time
evolving into something new for quite the while

can never change
must always stay the same
flighty and flirty
emotions wonder about
kidnapped by any with a spark of intrest
always this being
this pet who'll never grow older
stuck in this never never land forever
always mind at the same age
body grows old and begins to silently decay
mind ignores the murderous pain
until it dies from ignorance
died from continuously playing a deadly game
torn around by lust and dependance
then pushed away by forced independance

i meet this butterfly
one who has changed
spreading her wings out wide
flaunting with her fragmented pride
and a smile spreads across my face
lifts me and takes me from my never never land ish place
a different side of me is finally
more than awake.