rewrite history

i tried to leave
escape myself in a turn of tragic events
run away from the me i feared and loathed.

it didn't work.
or course it wouldn't
of course you'd pull me back
you'd look in my eyes
pull out strands of reality before i pulled away.
i wanted to forget
erase myself from the book of truths
rewrite myself in lies
leave me a static character
no change
no difference in the end of the story.
i wanted you to help lead me out of here
this banishment camp i was sentenced to just for being me.

you were saving me dammit
you were loving me dipshit
i was leaving myself behind to be with you
i was changing myself to i liar for you
i wanted you happy
i wanted to make you smile without you seeing the bad in my eyes
the diaster waiting to happen
the tragedy begining to unfold on your plate.
you didn't understand it all
my eyes told you everything you wanted to know
and you couldn't understand it?
spelled out for you in plain english
and how can you not get it?

i tried to run
like peter pan's shadow i tried to be free
myself
my own being
but she looked in my eyes after you and pulled me back.
reuniting me with myself once again
thinking she saved me from falling apart
thinking she pulled me back together again
but now i have a body attached to me
now i'm no longer free.

she told you what she saw
she squealed my scerets to life in my world
how to get there
how to live there
how comfortable it is there
how much i lie there
who i really am while i'm there
who i am not when i'm here.

you stapled me to myself
you got a good look at who i am
you hate it
i wanted you happy
here you are angry
looking at me
seeing i'm not who you thought i was before
seeing why i ran so fast from being a damn whore
escaping me
so i thought
until it caught up
tackled me
and now here i am
no longer with the will i used when i fought

a confession of my attempt to escape
to run
hide in the snow
burying my face in it
rubbing my nose in it
you want to smack the omega once you find me
drag me back to the pack for them to abuse me
does it matter if i deserve it?
not in your eyes
not in there's
the lower than dirt omega is your toy to play with.

just please don't wonder why i try to escape.