a broken monument

boulder
chiseled from stone
motionless
constant expression
fear and tears
nightly routine
fingertips
palms
the only things holding the head up
structured
stone cold
still life
it rains every night

shined once
was whole once
everyday fucks everything over
slowly getting older
each night getting colder
everyday getting warmer
contrast leads to crumbling
breaking down and dying
every grain of sand and gravel
pieces seen on walkways of pebble

rain to cleanse
nightly chore
habitual routines
nature works until she's sore
each finger
all the joints formed to fit
cradling the face
only things holding my head up

keep the knife and my leash

angered words
say what you must
get it all out
please
please hurt me
i'm left open like this
so stab me
just hurt me
but not like this
stab and twist
don't walk away and leave
do something physical
something i can point to and say
"this was from her because i wasn't the best"
physically missing things just won't do
smack me
slap me
even when you know you have my attention
whatever helps you feel better
without leaving me be
for forever
while i still stay caught in this tension
my muscles are flexed
everything is tight
if i flinch the slightest
you'll think i'm too weak for a fight
i'm prepared for one
if that's what is needed
just tell me now you might want me
even though i'll be defeated

even if my throat is tight all the time
or my eyes well up
i'll pretend i'm fine
whatever you want
whatever you'd like
in a second's notice i'll try to bring you that life.