teetering

would think a cougar should have great balance
clawing the rock
holding on for dear life

everything bearing down
stomach queasey
muscles tiring
just a few more months
a few more months 'til freedom
till procrastination
no struggle for relaxation

there below me
waiting
promising
to be in those arms
to feel safe
comfortable

almost
oh so tempting
maybe i'll slip
jump
gently caught
stunned by the landing
the startling catch

scared of crushing
pressuring
hurting
dropping this hassel
fallen on the poor snow leopard
all my troubles
everything crashing down

claws out

paternal
protective
my home
my family
they aren't mine
but i'll take them in
contain them
blockade

parasite,
pathetic bug
taunting dirt
sitting out front
tempting my family
you filth
i'd push you off
blow you away
if it'd do a damn bit of good
keep you away


the sight of you

skin crawls

tremors

i bite my tongue

turfs of fur
all on end

tail flipping

ears back



i'd rip you apart if it weren't for them


if i weren't trying to set a mold

rotting fruit of the past

it leaves a bad taste
chewing it up
spitting it out
try to take it
swallow it down
understand it


but i just
can't stomach it
repulsive
this taste is familiar
so similar


just as disgusting



the stench
it prevents me from trying
it reminds me
sickens me
disturbs me


it floats
this aroma
it comes off
punches my senses
knocks me on my ass
suffocates
gagging for some fresh scent
something clean
anything but this


at the enterence
opening statement
say a damn thing
acid builds
making me sick


it's so damn foul

a goose of hypocrisy

here i thought i was sick
obsessed
so deeply hurt



get over it
grow up
if so much pain collects in the pond
fly your ass away
gunshots don't fucking spook you
everything we try
you just won't leave this behind

awkward goose
go away
you crane your neck
force it
make yourself look down on everyone
look away from yourself
just to ignore your wings
snobbish doesn't look well on you

you flare out those wings
scare us out of pain
yet you can't stop
and use your wings
for yourself

if goose were on the menu
if i could share the delight with my girl
if you'd run and give us a challenge
we'd hunt you down
wring that scrawy neck to slience the complaints

it's not your season
fly
lift yourself above this
don't look above it
don't wish to be above it
just do it

started with a joke

your name
it sends me into a fit of smiles
does the body really use less energy

to smile?


you make me believe it
you make me think everything is fine
so comfortable
no need to stress

you're working wonders
those fingers
kneading the aches and sores away
with all the lotion
everything slides right off my back
no cares in the world

again with the drugs
a painkiller.
that, my dear, is what you are

everything is calm
the storm approaches
august comes
and soon september
i think
i'll run to you
hide in your shack with a roof
please stay with me
don't worry about hunting for food
just make me warm and calm
and massage this stress away

jumping around landmines

i remember
i still have them
they're locked in there

spring cleaning
well, technically summer cleaning
take the box of paper
set it out for recycle
get rid of it
but it's not trash

see the days
i grab them
violently throwing them
my anger pressured on to them
throwing them in a trash bag
rain come and put out the flames
i gather them all
organize them
leave 2 aside, on the top of them all
they made me smile

the light danced in them
you thought they were bland
they looked so beautiful
different shades
so deep
then the one day
i swear my heart was going insane
my throat hurt
i held them back
you were trying to
"i'd hold you if you'd like me to"
if you'd want me to
if you'd let me
i'll walk if i have to

everything
"you can have mine..."

i'm still paying for this
every thought that finds its way through
makes it safely to the other side
rubs it in
"...because i know you care"

it's nothing i should worry about
nothing to do with me
shouldn't be worrying
even if i want to be a part of everything

what i would have done
i wasn't there
damn coffee shop
damn school
they burned me
let go
melted into the alternate reality
"i'd keep them warm if you wanted"
if you'd let me

something
can't be back here
has to leave
it was so calm
until the storm came and ruined the night
the winds blew
the cowards hid in fear,
yet still made noise
damn pests
"here, meant to give it to you earlier...later"

socially awkward mess
cute?
they said that?
maybe i'm not a complete failure

"give her this"
didn't sleep
not long
not well
kept crying
pathetic whorish toy
time was wasted,
lost
"i'd lay down and die...if you'd let me"

nothing.